The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
