she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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