I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
dude i'm inner monologue high
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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