you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
