Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
