so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
