curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
