grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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