theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
she pinky promised me she was 18
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
