You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
