Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
If I had your ass I would rule the world
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
