I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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