I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
