you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
