I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
