There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Drunk is not a location!
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
