Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
