I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
