bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize