Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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