I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
