Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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