I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize