This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
