i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
