True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
