I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
