You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I didn't notice because vodka
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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