He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
