grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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