My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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