wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Randomize
