come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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