I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
