You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
