But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
