Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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