First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
