how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
