how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
