I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
