States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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