How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize