So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
