I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
