its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
