Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
