It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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