When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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