Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
