??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
