And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
