My brain says no but my pants say off.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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