hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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