It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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