So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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