Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
