I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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