It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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