Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
