and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
