you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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