Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
