Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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