I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
