Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
