My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
