haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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